tattler magazine

It is halfway into the year 2009.

9 years into the new millennium, my 6th year of existence in this little red dot with a presence you just can’t seem to ignore.

Yet I can’t seem to shirk off that icky feeling of being bogged down by the narrow idealism and superstitions that seem to make up the mental constitution of the people I deal with on a near-daily basis.

It’s rather wondrous how as we progress as a technology-savvy society, we are so eager to embrace further the multitude of theological rites unfairly dumped on us since birth, but are unable to discard our societal obsessions to conform. Thereby rendering us vulnerable to the manipulation and puppeteering of the slightly intellectually superior but infinitely more diligent at plotting.

Or that could just be my paranoia talking.

The point being – all of us who are happily, stably, and potentially permanently attached should have sex. Like bunnies in a romp, like my best friend’s deprived, hump-happy pug, like it was the best thing that ever happened to man. And woman. And most living creatures.

However, let me just attempt to shield myself from potential lawsuits and controversy by first saying that, the sex you have (or are about to have) should be safe and responsible (ie. use a condom, preventive measures against unwanted pregnancy, against very undesirable, and unsexy, diseases, and the like). Mind you, when I say safe and responsible, I mean not only for yourself, but for society at large. Which includes that cute guy or hot chick whose pants/skirt/dress you’re about to get into. Cute and hot being only two out of a million possible criteria for someone who is about to get laid.

If you’re under the age of 16 – please keep not only your pants on, but your top on too. I would advise against bending over and kneeling unnecessarily. If it so happens that you were forced at knife point (or much less likely, at gun point), please google the following words: help, helpline, underage, sexual abuse, rape, -insert name of country of choice-. Oh and please close this page right away or click on a different link within the site. STOP reading this article immediately. I can’t stress enough how important it is to be over the legal age for having sex because if you’re not, you reading this article would be totally pointless and would only serve to fuel or ignite what could be a ravenous hunger in your loins that burns and aches with every passing second. Plus attempting to have sex then would make you a criminal. And nobody wants to be a criminal right?

That said, if you (and your partner) are over the legal age, congratulations. Even better if you’re of the child-bearing and having anxious, overbearing parents breathe-down your-neck-for-grandchildren age. You can, and should, have sex. Or make love to your partner as often as practically possible.

Dang, I have to stop qualifying each and every statement I make.

Sex is good. Certain studies have shown that sex is the most comprehensive, wholesome workout one can get as a couple making love exercises the most muscles through the simple, and very pleasurable act of intercourse. As two people engage in the repetitive movements that have become the stereotype of intercourse, the body releases hormones like endorphin and serotonin that is supposedly responsible for elevating one’s mood. In a country like Singapore where low birth rates are a problem, making love more often helps your country eradicate a social issue and pushes it towards its goal of hitting a 6 million population.

Rocking, innit? This is patriotism on a personal level, at its best.

We are mostly too closeted in this sense to admit that great sex, is great for the mind and body. In my admittedly rather insignificant daily life as an undergraduate, most of us are only too happy to criticise and judge that girl who is suspiciously, intimately happy with her boyfriend while secretly harbouring the desire to get some action for ourselves. That sort of stigma is truly a gargantuan obstacle to our progress as individuals because not only is it sexism at its worse, it is double standards, and a shameful act of conforming all rolled into one.

I recently spoke to a friend of mine who elaborated to me, much to my shock and amusement, his sexcapades in recent times – the cinema, the beach, public buses, toilets (hmm watch the hygiene, people).

I am not going to launch into a tirade against self-righteous, condescending know-it-alls because my point here is simple – make love! And share the love. Close girlfriends should exchange tips on how to improve their love lives (but please do not kiss and tell. That is just bad manners) while us guys can refrain from boasting about our ‘conquests’ and just stick to talking about that brilliant match that Man-U lost. Or maybe not.

Be adventurous too, vary your positions (sometimes be on top, sometimes she’s on top, side by side, front to back, dominant or submissive, CREATIVITY is the word), locations (watch the law though. No signs exist to tell you where it’s acceptable to have sex) and communicate. I recently spoke to a friend of mine who elaborated to me, much to my shock and amusement, his sexcapades in recent times – the cinema, the beach, public buses, toilets (hmm watch the hygiene, people). You name it. So this goes out to all the newbies and conservative types who may already be getting in the sack often enough but perhaps could do with a little more excitement. For starters, explore the various parts of your body on your own, at your own leisure, and then share whatever insights you glean from such endeavours with your partner. I say explore on your own because you yourself know best what stimulates you and what simply turns you off. Thereafter, should you feel adventurous enough, you and your partner could both try exploring in a geographical sense.

That said, the best sex is achieved when both parties are comfortable while pushing the edge a little bit at naughtiness and adventure. Plus there should always be an equal amount of give and take when it comes to matters of lust. So don’t be selfish – reciprocate. If you enjoy receiving oral favours, return them promptly, or in due time. Don’t be lazy while you are at it either, make full use of every available body part, or limb, for best results. I don’t know if it is politically correct to say so but kudos to magazines like Men’s Health or CLEO for their frequent, specific tips on this thing I am calling a sport. On special occasions, you could even indulge your partner (or each other) by partaking in each other’s fantasies. Assuming you’re comfortable enough to share such personal information and have communicated them across accurately. Be daring, take the leap, for all you know your fantasies are mutual and all it takes is a little nudge in the right direction.

So go ahead, make love, make babies, make happiness!

P/S: I would love to give tips on how to actually go about getting laid, but seeing how inexperienced I am, this is where I encourage reader participation. Unload your tips here, please! ;) Oh and don’t get caught getting it on in places you’re not supposed to be.